A letter to my Annie

Dear Annie,

It's been such a long time since I've written a letter to you.  I thought that by writing a letter to you when I put your things in a box, I'd be done.  I can't be done, there's so much to tell you.

Life has continued and I feel your presence every day.  Sometimes if I close my eyes I can feel you right next to me.  I know you've never left me.  Sometimes I can see you in another child.  If I see a curly-headed toddler, I can see you and I wonder who you'd be.  Would you be saying "mommy?"  Would you try to pick flowers for me?  Would you love me?

My darling, I miss you all the time.  I have this ache in my heart that won't go away.  I re-read Heaven is For Real this weekend and it spoke to me.  When that little boy went to heaven, he met his sister that he never knew he had.  He talked about all the wonderful and magnificent things that are in heaven and I pray that you are having fun.  I pray that you are happy.

We are trying to add on to our little family and it's not working so far.  We want you to have a brother or a sister, or maybe even both!  It does get frustrating, but I need to remember to have child-like faith.  I need to believe that nothing is impossible.  It's just hard sometimes when something so precious is taken away.

Annie girl, we talk about you... sometimes I get sad and other times I'm happy.  I remember so many good things, like when I heard your heart beat swooshing away during the ultrasound for the first time.  I remember reading in the baby book and learning you could hear me!  Do you remember me reading "Goodnight Moon" to you?  Do you remember me telling you how much I love you?  I do, Annie girl.  I love you very much.

Be a good little girl.  Give lots of hugs and think of us often.  I know we'll meet again, someday. 

XOXO,
Mama